The Proverbs 31 “wonder woman” has always impressed and baffled me. Verses 10 to 31 sound nothing short of an ideal list of exaggerated qualities that no single woman can possess all at once, at least to me. She is filled with every virtue, every good grace, every fine feature and all things impeccable. Sometimes, she is too good to be true. But I am always drawn to her. I sometimes want to be her. I don’t know how, but I do. I have concluded I have a love-hate relationship with her, because she has set the bar for wives and women way too high. Sometimes I simply want her to simply go away. Because she appears too perfect, unreal even.
However, despite my reservations and consternations in regard to this amazing woman who does everything with grit and panache, and gets everything done on time, I know she is there in the Bible for a reason. She is not there to scare or intimidate me, but to encourage me. Funny thing about women (and men!), we fear successful women even as we applaud them.
Looks like the Bible has a lot to say about this wonder woman—she is of noble character, she is valuable, she has the confidence of her husband, she does him good all the days of her life. Really, one runs short of breath as one reads the endless list of superlative praise that is showered upon this woman who seems to be too smart for her boots, but a woman whose boots one would want to live in forever! Conflicting emotions!
She wakes up before the crack of dawn (no late nights for her!), she works with her hands (oh so creative!), she is diligent, she is generous. She actually laughs at the future and the challenges it might bring, while most of us shudder to even think of the future or dismiss it altogether! Her children call her blessed and her husband praises her. This sounds so alien to me sometimes, especially the latter “alienese”. I have seldom heard children call their mothers blessed though they do have many other things to say about them—she is so particular about where to keep what, she makes me study all the time, I can’t eat fast food, basically, I can’t do anything—she will kill me when she finds out! What I get to understand of most mothers from their children’s “observations” is they are a boring lot of killjoys who never let their children have fun, breathe easy, or even breathe without their supervision! God forbid (or prepare me for when?) I hear this from my son!
Coming to husbands, I have heard a few men praise their wives saying how hard they work and how little they want and how much more they save. But this sounds rather like an overt glorification of one who suffers in silence. All of us girls want things, all of us want a break, and if someone is saving hard, it is so we don’t have to save harder in the future. If husbands think their wives will always be the picture of perfection, they have a distorted lens! And they should know it is not ideal for wives to work to their bones and expect to be nourished and have great skin and look as good as they used to during their courtship phase. I am yet to hear a husband praise his wife for taking time for herself, or resting, or reading, or planning outings with her friends!
All I’m saying is husbands should praise their wives, but in ways that build them up, not in ways that simply glorify their “sacrifices” in order to encourage them to make more of them! The husband of the Proverbs 31 woman is a wise man. His praise not only makes his wife glad, but it also nurtures her and encourages her to pursue her interests and excel. Behind every successful wife, there is the Proverbs 31 husband! There, I think that sums it up for the men!
With all of that said and done about the husband-wife-children equation, I think I am so drawn to the Proverbs 31 lady because, like her, I too want to get my ducks in a row with efficiency and precision all the time. I think all of us want that. To have our business and our lives in order, to get our hair and make up right most times, to get our relationships right, to be giving, to be joyful, if not to live happily ever after like Disney princesses (by now we know that’s utter nonsense!). It is natural for all women to be drawn to women who seem to have it all. Moreover, reading articles and hearing sermons whereby we are asked to “be like the Proverbs 31 woman” tempts us to actually wish we were her!
However, I’ve realised though I’d like to be her, I don’t necessarily have to be her. Because I can’t and I don’t need to. God has called each of us to grow in His likeness, not her likeness. So wish as I may to be her, I am liberated by God’s assurance that I don’t need to indulge in wishful thinking anymore. I am liberated by the thought that I am exactly who he wants me to become, I am daily in the making, on the way to become God’s custom-made Proverbs 31 lady. I am glad to share the news of this liberation with all my lady friends who are sometimes overwhelmed by this section of the Bible just like I was. We can stop sagging under the burden of being eclipsed by this wonder woman and seeking to perfect ourselves all the time. We just need to be ourselves, seeking not to perfect ourselves but seeking God to mould us and shape us into women we know we can and will be, in and through Him.
Most importantly, in His wisdom, we know the Proverbs 31 woman is not there to intimidate us or to highlight our own flaws and weaknesses. Rather, she is there to embolden us and to help us focus on our strengths. She seems to tell us she is not the wonder woman we often make her out to be, but a godly woman. When we become godly women we scale new heights we never knew we were capable of, we become better versions of ourselves, and we can actually get around to having a healthy relationship with ourselves so we can prosper in our relationships with others. We can live, we can give, and we can thrive. Not as the wonder woman/women we want to emulate, but as the godly women we can be if only we trust Him every single day of our lives, even on the bad hair days!
The author, Abrona Lee Pandi Aden, hails from the hills of Kalimpong and is a faculty in Sikkim University.
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